Change

In a previous post I was very hard on my mom, the choices she’d made, and how thankful I was that she was my mom and showed me what I didn’t want in my life, how I never wanted to make my children feel. Addiction is a nasty, despicable thing that ruins lives, kills, and separates sufferers from those they love. Often times they blame everyone and everything around them for whatever is wrong in their lives so to never take the blame themselves. They distance themselves from loved ones and make choices, that if they were in their right mind, they would be appalled by. Not many who have an addiction, even those who are strong, can ever beat it. I must say, that my mom, after many years of addiction, has changed. There is a long rocky road ahead and she may stumble but I can say that she is now someone that I can say I’m proud of and I look up to for beating the demons down, for finding better things in life. It may have taken her more than 20 years to see the error of her ways but she is ‘my mom’ again and not just an empty, mean person.  I haven’t had that since grade school. She has worked so hard, gotten her license back, has a good job and is trying to be the best mother and grandmother that she can. I know it’s hard and that you can’t get lost time back but looking into the future, I think she has a lot going for her and I know she will do her best to make us all proud of her. Unfortunately, this isn’t a post I thought I would ever write. Sadly, I thought one day I would be writing one about her untimely death due to an overdose or a drug deal gone bad. I am so thankful for the fact that I was wrong. I love my mother and I am glad she is strong enough to beat her addiction, to admit her wrong doing, and try to unite her family around her. She may not have lived an amazing life of great achievement but she has made the greatest achievement of her life and I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud!

Someone is Missing

In 1995 I was in 6th grade and mourning the loss of my barrel horse Sassy. I never thought I would find a replacement that I could ever love like I had her. One crisp fall day my grandma, who raised me, told me she had called about a four year old gelding and we were going to look at him. I so excited about the prospect of getting a new horse but also didn’t have a lot of faith that he would make the cut. We made the hour drive to see him. After I rode him I knew he was the one. He was full of spit and vinegar. He was the most beautiful horse I had ever seen and I was instantly in love. Standing 17 hands tall he was packed with muscle. His coat was sorrel with two high white socks and a twister on his head for a blaze. Over the next several years Twister took me to the top in our horse show circuit. He was faster than blue blazes and put on a heck of a show! I rode him parades and rodeos. I always felt like kind of a hot shot when I was on his back. In parades he would canter in place and prance sideways. The ooo’s  and ahh’s from the crowd made me feel pretty special. No matter where we were he stole the show. Twister was absolutely amazing. After I retired him from barrel racing he was still ridden regularly and about 5 years ago my boys started riding him around home. When they were on him he knew his job was babysitter. He would trudge along and make sure that they were well taken care of. This horse show season we’ve had two shows and Twister is not standing in my pasture any longer. Two months ago we said goodbye to him. I have never felt so miserable or helpless as I did the day he came up ill. I’m 31 and have had sadness and heartbreak but I have never had heartbreak in my life that came close to losing Twister. He was my best friend from the day he came home with me. We grew up together and we were an awesome team that competitors hated to see pulling into the rodeo grounds. Then after his retirement he continued to give his sweet heart and love to me. It’s hard knowing he is no longer around to tell my secrets to or to stand out in the pasture and pet his soft coat and look at his sweet face. As much sorrow as his passing has brought me, I wouldn’t change it because I got to know the most amazing, sweet soul that God put on this earth. I got to call him my best friend for 20 years. I will always remember all the wonderful adventures we went on and all of great time I spent with him.

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All photos are property of Making Memories Photography. Taking these photos for any purpose is illegal.

Road Trip!

So, last week we left for Galveston Texas. I was so excited to escape reality with my family. Not just my husband and children but my dad, my sister and her fiancé, my brother, my grandma and my aunt. We had so much fun traveling together. 

Galveston Texas is my favorite place on earth aside from the back of my horse. The only thing that would make it more perfect is if I was on the back of my horse in Galveston. The island is so beautiful and full of so much history, beautiful architecture and amazing places to eat! 

We visited several shops on The Strand,which is the main drag, we saw the flood line from the most recent severe hurricane. The water line was about 6 feet deep! We went to the Seawolf Park to see the submarine and battleship transporter. Did you know that there was a time that they tried to make ships out of cement? Me neither until our tour of Seawolf Park. There was a ship wreck in the harbor that had been there since before WWI. It was made of cement. Cement actually floats! Didn’t know that either! After visiting with a veteran working at the park we found out he only lives about 10 miles from us back in Kansas! What are the chances!! He was visiting as well to take his turn working the park. 

We spent 3 days and 2 nights in Galveston then made our way to San Antonio to visit the Alamo and the River Walk. Another amazing city full of so much history! The Alamo is beautiful which makes it hard to imagine the awful things that happened there so long ago and how different it must have looked. We took a tour of the church and when I entered I was filled with an immediate sense of sadness and I got goose bumps. It is hard to think of the atrocity that took place in the church and throughout the whole fort that day. 

There is an awesome live oak inside the fort walls near the barracks that is about 120 years old. I think it’s the most beautiful tree I have ever seen! That tree has seen so much and been around for so much history on San Antonio. If only we could ask it questions… That tree, although young, knew the men and women who lived and who perished during the fight for the Alamo. 

There is so much more to say about our trip but if I keep rambling I am going to loose you. If you ever go on a trip to Texas, Galveston Island and San Antonio are a must! Even though our trip was a blast I was happy to get home to Triple C Farm, see all my fur babies and sleep in my own bed.  

    
    
 
Note: All photos are property of Making Memories Photography. Taking them or copying them for any reason is illegal. 

Insomnia and Angels

Tonight as I sit on  my computer editing photos and adding some to my photography page I wish sleep would come. I have never been diagnosed with insomnia but I am sure I have it. I can’t ever sleep. When I do finally sleep it is out of pure exhaustion. I have tried numerous things, sleepy time tea, melatonin, lorazapam (I know I spelled that wrong), Benadryl, lavender and the list goes on. Some things may help some but I just don’t seem to be able to drift off.

Although I feel like this is a curse it also gives me the opportunity to see my boys as they sleep.. They look so much like angels. When they wake to use the bathroom or because of a dream I am there to help. I get to hear their sweet sleepy voices and look into those big sleepy eyes. These boys melt my heart.

My youngest is three now and is finally making it through the night without wetting his pants. He just woke to use the bathroom. I watched him crawl from his bed with his paw patrol blanket and walk sleepily into the living room to ask me to go “biff me”. When I put him back to bed and tucked him I he told me that I was the “bess.” They continue to surprise me with their kind little hearts and it kills me that they are growing so fast. I can’t stand the thought of them not being my little babies anymore.

I hate that I am always tired due to lack of sleep and I hate the fight to fall asleep but I feel lucky that I get the precious time with my little angels. Rather than being cursed with insomnia I am so glad that my boys know that no matter the time, no matter if I am asleep, I am happy for those precious moments.

#sweetbabies #littlebutnotsolittle #sleepingangels

Green Lights

I’m sure you have heard about changing one of your outdoor bulbs to green to show support for our troops. I think this is a wonderful idea and shows even the veterans that we don’t know are veterans they are supported just as those who are dressed out. Please show your support this Veterans Day and everyday to the men and women who work so hard and put their lives on the line everyday for your freedoms and mine.  

 

Family Problems

So, my sister has been dating her fiancé for about five years. They are planning a wedding in February. I’m so excited for her! But there is one problem. She and her fiancé moved down the road from my family and I. We have Sunday dinners with my grandma, aunts, my dad, my sister and her fiancé and my husband and our kids. Her fiancé used to be really nice to the boys but lately he has turned into a real jackass about things not just the boys but other things too. The land that they are purchasing from my dad for their house is land that produces most of the hay for the farm. Now her fiancé is under the impression that since it will be his land he doesn’t have to hep put it up and we should have to pay for th hay. Now, for my WHOLE life this land has produced the hay for all of us. My grandmas farm, my dads and mine. All of our homes sit on adjoining land that is all part of the original farm stead from before the civil war. My dad is obviously giving them his house and land at a very cheap price to help them out. The only reason the land is going with the house is that it is on his mortgage with the house. I’m not saying that I think that I should have free run of their property but I do believe if it produces most of our hay we should all still be able to use it.

Also, he has started to be really rude to my boys. He acts as if he may contract something from them if they touch him. Yes boys are boys and they do get dirty but they are well taken care of, bathed regularly and have good manners. He acts like he doesn’t want them around at family dinners etc. I am a little unsure of what to do because all of my life our family has gotten along very well and the farm operations have gone smoothly but it seems as if he may be trying to throw a wrench in it. I never saw him as the kind of person but I feel now that they are close to getting married in starting to see another side of him. I’m not sure whether to confront him and try to talk it out. Let him know he can’t treat my children that way and try to find a solution to the hay issue. Not only is they hay put up for our livestock but for theirs, my grandmas and my dads… Any thoughts on the best way to handle this?

Riding with my grandma

Have you ever ridden in the car with your grandma? Did you fear your end may be close due to the decision you Made to climb in the passengers side of her vehicle? Well, today I regret the decision to do just that. My grandma is a very careful person and she actually used to train people to drive buses. I know scary, right? No, she didn’t used to scare me. What she used to do was drive REALLY slooooow!

She was a very good driver but as she has aged her driving has suffered. She has a 1/2 mile long driveway that’s she drives faster on than she does on the road. Even though she drives slow you still have to slow down more for a stop sign but today Granny raced right up to the stop sign and slammed on the breaks sending our drinks flying. Then she asked me if there was a bunji cord in the car that I could strap them down with. What!!

When we got to town once again my life was threatened when she decided to get in the oncoming lane while leaving a parking lot. I started shreking for her to get back into her own lane when I saw traffic turning at full blast into the parking lot even though she sat in their path. “Well, there were no lines,” she says. “How do you know that was the wrong lane.” Um, well, maybe the fact that we have been here a million times and maybe, just maybe the cars that are heading right toward us would be a good clue! Now she is crossing 4 lanes of traffic to make a left turn from the right turn lane. Please pray for my survival! 😅

#lovemygrams #stillmyhero