Chances

As humans I think we are programmed to see the best in people and to give them another chance to do the right thing. Sometimes the extra chance is just what they need and others it does no good. Growing up we make mistakes and our parents give us a chance to right our wrong and normally we learn from it. What happens when you don’t? When is enough, enough?
My mom has never been a good mom. She has never been around for me, never helped me, never been there for me when I had a problem. She has basically never been in my life with the exception of when SHE needed something. I feel in a way that our roles have been reversed. I feel as if she thinks that she can continue to make mistakes or bad decisions and that I’m just supposed to forgive her everytime. Everytime steals from me, everytime she makes hurtful comments, everytime she speaks badly of my parenting (as if she knows what being a parent is), everytime she uses me until I have nothing left to give her then she leaves and I don’t hear from her until she needs something again. I feel like I have forgiven her everytime but this time is different. They say when a person has had enough they are done. I am there. It has taken me longer than my brother and sister to realize that she will never change. She is almost 50 but acts as if she is 15 and spoiled. She is hateful and mean.
I feel guilty for coming to this conclusion, I feel like I am letting her down or like maybe if I just help a little more things will change, maybe she will actually love me for me rather than for what I can give her. But then reality hits and I know she has been this way since I was little, using people until they are no longer useful then moving along to the next victim. Even though there is guilt there is also a sense of relief in knowing I have finally decided that I am done.
The time for chances has eneded. It has run it’s course. Now is the time for change. The change is in me and knowing that she has never been around for anything but her own gain. Although, I still love her and always will, she is my mom, I don’t have to accept or like what she does. I am lucky to have not grown up with her, who knows who I would have become. I am so thankful that I had my grandma and my dad to help me learn how to be a respectful, loving, kind person who is a functioning part of society. I will continue to pass these qualities along to my children. I want them to be happy, healthy and successful. I want them to feel loved and know they are wanted. I also want to be sure they never treat someone else in such a negative way. I want them to be compassionate, loving and kind toward other people.

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3 thoughts on “Chances

  1. We have so much in common. I wrote to you last night about the puppies, thought I’d read something else from you…. This feels like you have written my story!!
    My mother is exactly all that. I am currently attending therapy to deal with it and enjoy my life.
    If she hadn’t given birth to me I would have kicked her out of my lifelong before now. People say things like you only get one mother… Well wasn’t I unfortunate. I hate the person she is, the things she does and how she makes me feel!!!

    Like

    • It’s a really hard situation to understand. I have never understood how a parent can treat their children so negatively. I couldn’t imaging inflicting that kind of pain on my children. Having had a mother like her I was lucky to have an amazing dad, grandma and paternal extended family. For the most part I didn’t feel like I lacked anything in my life. Although, I did wonder where she was, if she was alive, why she didn’t care etc. It’s strange how as the child it’s hard to know when enough is enough even though they act so uncaring. I wish you luck and hope that someday in accepting her absence and bad choices you can also forgive her and let go. You deserve to be happy!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you for your kind words, it’s great to find someone who understands… Although very sad at the same time. Unfortunately when my parents split I was left with my mother who was very self centered and had not a nurturing bone to be shared. As you rightly said we would never inflict this on our children.. At least our pain has ensured we are great parents! X

        Liked by 1 person

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